How can anyone like me? I’m not worthy…I’m “not enough”.
For years I lived my life with routines and schedules, hoping to stay out of everyone’s way so that I wouldn’t offend anyone. I sheltered myself from getting close to people for fear that they wouldn’t like me, or I would disappoint them if I didn’t live up to their expectations. I needed to stay in my comfort zone.
Growing up I was short, shy and a crybaby. I needed to shelter myself from emotional and physical pain.
Looking back on my life, I love seeing how God brought people and events into my life to help me grow. Don’t get me wrong, I still like routines, and schedules and I still try to protect myself from getting hurt, but I can see how God has changed me.
When I tell people that I’m an introvert and shy, no one believes me. I’m not the most outgoing person but I have come a long way since my crybaby days.
I don’t like crowds, retreats, seminars and any other event where there are a lot of people, I find them scary, keep in mind that I’m short, and exhausting.
When I was in my late thirties, our church at the time, planned a women’s retreat to a town nearby. The town is nestled in the foothills of the Rocky Mountains. Very picturesque. On the Saturday afternoon of the retreat, we were given a two or three hour block of free time. During our free time, we could do our own thing, or we could go through a series of Bible verses and questions that the leadership group put together, a prayer journal. I decided to work through the prayer journal.
I walked over to the river and sat on the riverbank facing a mountain. I was in awe of the grandeur of the mountains, the calming sound of the flowing river, the beauty of the blue sky, the warmth of the sun and the slight cool breeze in the air. I turned to the prayer journal and opened myself up to receive what God wanted to teach me. God really showed up for me.
“For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” (Psalm 139:13 & 14). After I read those verses, I looked up at the mountains across the river from me.
To me, the mountains were wonderfully made, not me. I had to read the verses again.
Did I read that right? God fearfully and wonderfully made me…short, shy, crybaby, insecure, not enough me. I had to be still and let that truth sink in.
His works are wonderful. God made creation, the mountains, for us to enjoy. He breathed life into me and not the mountains. I am fearfully and wonderfully made! I have to repeat it. I need to let it soak in. Those are powerful words. What do I do with that revelation?
I am worthy. I am enough. I am wonderfully made…it’s a beautiful thing!